Why it Sucks Being the Friend Who Travels

People don’t really talk about the negatives of long-term travel and I don’t know why. Perhaps they’re scared to complain while living it up on a beach in Bali because people will think they’re being ridiculous, but I want to set the record straight: long term travel has it’s downsides and I’d like to shed some light on my least favourite bits.

Missing Major Milestones

I write this as my little sister’s 18^th birthday is looming – a HUGE turning point in any teenager’s life – and I wont be there. Again. I’ve lost count of the celebrations that I’ve missed while I’ve been on my adventure – babies being born, weddings, funerals, heartbreaks, housewarmings, engagements – you name it, I’ve missed it.

I’m sure my friends and family have adapted to my absence (it has been two years!) but I haven’t quite got there yet. I still get a pang of guilt each time I click ‘not attending’ and streams of pictures from social events make me want to book the next flight home.

Everyone Seems to Have it Together When you really don’t

I live out of a backpack, spend 90% of my day barefoot and I haven’t got any responsibilities (other than having to wash my feet on the odd occasion).

Most of my friends have mortgages (I wouldn’t even know how to apply for one of those and I still can’t work out how council tax works), an endless stream of proposals has begun creeping onto my timeline and one is getting married this year – a wonderful and lifelong commitment that, quite frankly, terrifies me.

Instead of climbing the corporate ladder I’ve perfected my downward dog. As they get numerous promotions I’ve been watching the sunset from a surfboard. I like to think that I’m on a journey of self-promotion and although my skill set doesn’t look much on paper, I can haggle a mean price on a rickshaw and smell a scammer a mile off - put that on your CV.

Barefoot Adventuring in Indonesia

Doubt + Overthinking = Frequent Breakdowns

People might feel jealous when they scroll through my Instagram feed, but it works both ways. Yes, I’m a free-range explorer with little to responsibilities, but this ride can get old. Sometimes, when I overthink, overanalyse and my mind goes into a wild frenzy, I also wonder if I’m doing the right thing. Some days I crave the stability of living in the U.K. I miss the stability of sleeping in the same bed every night, living in a place where there are no language barriers and having a constant support system around me.

It can feel as though I’m wasting time on the road and watching my peers overtake me in every part of life is enough to freak anyone out. However, after numerous breakdowns I’ve figured out that I would be doing those sensible things if I wanted to. I could be doing those things; there’s nothing stopping me settling down, getting a job and buying John Lewis coasters, but life is all about priorities and mine revolve around experiences. I have this weird, uncontrollable desire to see the world, despite it being a difficult and uncomfortable journey at times.

Highlight of Australia: living in a car for 6 weeks. 

 

Random Waves of Loneliness 

Loneliness tends to strike at the strangest moments; when I’m soaking up a great view or I’m eating something delicious. These are the moments when I miss the people that I love and when I crave peanut butter.

When loneliness strikes, past experience has taught me to curl up with a book or start a conversation with a stranger. As if by magic, the dark, gloomy cloud above me fizzles into a happy haze and I forget about what I was worrying over in the first place. These unexpected chats that throw you into another person’s life, troubles and advice are lifesavers when you’re getting too wrapped up in your own worries.

Oh, the Goodbyes!

Making friends on the road is bittersweet.

Remember that annoying song by that guy who called himself Hellogoodbye? Well, he hit the nail on the head when it comes to long-term travel.

I love to explore with other travellers, hear their stories and tips, and even tag along with them for a while. During a recent trip to Indonesia I met three different groups of friends and saying our goodbyes was horrible! You eat, sleep, drink, laugh and cry with complete strangers who become your closest friends within a matter of days. They’re your pals who really get you and understand the real side to travel (the 14 hour trains, squat toilets and lazy days). However, your friendship is doomed from the start. Reality has a way of biting you in the ass and your different journeys, plans and ideas can’t be forced together, no matter how much you want them to.

Saying goodbyes to my family and friends – both old and new – has become easier as my journey goes on but my heart still breaks a little bit each time I have to leave!

Pals on the road

You’ll Have to Buy a New Wardrobe

I’ll never forget the time I returned to the U.K. after my first big trip away and I couldn’t find a single thing to wear. I’m not just talking about a silly freak out about nothing looking good on me; I felt claustrophobic and awkward in every item of clothing from my pre-travel life.

What I’d expected to be a happy reunion with my wardrobe after 18 months of wearing the same worn out, holey things for too long turned out to be a desperate twenty-minute scramble for something that didn’t make me feel like I was dressing up as someone I didn’t recognise.

I’d spent so long scooting around in bikinis and wearing tie-dye dresses with flip flops on nights out that choosing a ‘normal’ outfit sent me into a state of panic. I ended up wearing a crumpled dress out of my backpack that still smelt of cheap washing powder and sun cream, as it was the only thing that felt familiar.

It's a bikini kinda life

I don’t feel comfortable in clothes that the ‘old’ me would wear because they no longer reflect who I am. This whole fashion debacle brings me to the fact that I don’t feel the same about anything that I did before I left.

You’ll Never Fit Back Into a 'Normal' Routine

My mind has broadened immeasurably – I’ve met people, lost people, witnessed horrifying sights and experienced amazing things that have changed me for good. However, the majority of the people in my pre-travel life have remained the same, which is both great and challenging.

Great because the people that love me keep me grounded when I contemplate running away to Guatemala despite being broke. They encourage me to make positive choices because they love me and want to see me happy. Hold on to these humans and treasure them like your life depends on it. They are my portable support system while I’m on the road and I need these time zone hopping babes to pick up when I call at two a.m. just to hear a friendly voice.

Challenging because there will be opinions, comments and conversations with people who try to pop your happy little travel bubble.

I like to think that these people don’t know the damaging effects of what they’re saying (or that they’re doing it at all). Maybe they don’t realise how much strength it takes to leave on a solo adventure, the physical and mental battles you face along the way or the joy you’ve experienced living independently for the first time. Whether they’re jealous, they’re looking out for you or your safety is paramount to them, just remember why you chose to leave. After two years of reassuring myself, making difficult decisions and endless conversations about my career prospects, I’ve built a magical filter that ignores the unsupportive comments.

When I’m lying in my childhood bedroom, my feet throbbing after a long day working as a waitress in order to fund my next adventure, I like to reflect on why I’m still pursuing this unstable and (sometimes) tricky lifestyle. It’s not that I don’t want to be working on my career, saving for a mortgage and building a grown up life like the rest of my friends, it’s because nothing has stopped me yet. 

Until it does, I'm going to enjoy the ride. 

Sunset in Flores, Indonesia.

A Case of the Blues | Photo Walk in Jodhpur

Take a walk through Jodhpur. The city is vibrant with colour, boasts the cutest little chai stands at the most unexpected corners and if you follow its little lanes, you'll arrive at secluded courtyards where cows are snoozing and families are playing jacks while the sun sets.

When 2 Became 1: Adapting to Solo Female Travel

There’s not really much worse than a break up.

Apart from a break up that leaves you stranded on a farm in Australia, living in a purpose-built cabin half a world away from everyone who knows and loves you most. This is where I found myself last year. I had no plans but I did have some spare cash and I needed to escape - sharpish. So I turned to travel, the only thing that I could imagine making me even a teeny bit happy.

Was I sure that travel was the right thing to turn to? No. But I’d spent six deliriously happy, sun-soaked months adventuring in Southeast Asia the year before and it felt like the closest thing to home. I found myself on a flight to Bali just over a week later. I spent the six-hour flight staring into the back of the seat in front of me, my eyes red and puffy from the hysterical call with my mum before boarding. I didn’t understand why I was on that plane alone. Where was my travel buddy I’d been so used to having? Now I look back on that flight I can’t help but laugh, but that’s what the old cliché is all about: time really is the greatest healer, you just have to let it do its magic.

BALI: My Happy Place

Talking of clichés: Bali is by far the most healing place I’ve ever travelled in and it’s the perfect place for a clouded mind to detox.

So off I went, only to find out that doing it solo is a completely different ball game.

The first thing that struck me was I had to speak to people. Turns out you can’t just rock up at a hostel and expect the people to flock to you, you’ve got to put yourself out there. At first, the thought of this horrified me; I spent my first night eating alone next to a guy who prayed to his food before eating it. I began to wonder if anyone would ever speak to me again and if I should also be worshipping my bowl of green curry … safe to say it was a weird night.

Now that I’ve adapted to travelling alone I’ve had some of the funniest, most memorable experiences since I left home in 2015. I’ve met friends who’ve known me for years who are amazed at how good I am at talking to new people (which is weird because I still don’t feel very good at it). Ten-hour train journeys no longer faze me; I drive my own moped and I make every decision for myself. I’m travelling how I was always supposed to: independently, happily and freely.

Of course I still have moments when it feels scary, uncomfortable and totally unnatural to strike up a conversation with a stranger but each time I do I’m still surprised at how easy it is to make lifelong friends within a matter of hours.

Of course there are moments when I miss experiencing every step with my best friend, having someone to watch my bag for me or haggle when I don’t feel like it. Those moments are forgotten on days when I can scoot off to my favourite beach, rent a board and sip on a fresh coconut while watching the sunset without a care in the world.

Of course there are times when I feel lonely, but those moments become less and less frequent, and even when they do swing by they’re less and less painful. Have you heard people say that when you’re on the road you’re never really alone… well that’s a real thing: during the last two 

month trip I took around Indonesia I spent a total of about ten days alone.

Of course there are times when solo travel can be really scary, lonely and intense. In those situations I take a look around me, take three deep breaths and realise that everyone else is in the same boat (and they probably just want to make friends with you, too). Whether I’ve just been smashed by a massive wave, in a really bad mood or tumbling down a volcano, I always seem to befriend people when I least expect to. These friendships are stronger than any I made while travelling as a duo and I think that’s the deal breaker for me: it makes the lows that can accompany solo travel totally worth riding out, as you never know who’s around the next corner. 

I consider myself lucky to have travelled both with and without a partner. I’ve experienced the ease that comes with travelling in a pair and I’m learning lessons from the challenges that solo travel throws at me on a daily basis. I'm sure I've got more coming my way - watch this space!